Essay's

I have finally realised why I hate so very much to write essays! Even though I jot down missives constantly. Yearn to learn with a great insatiability, and give an commendable performance in the classroom (if I do say so myself!). It is because the consumption, and digestion of information is as satisfying as devouring food. Consuming unusual, and Moorish foodage is my favourite thing. Fortunate as it is compulsory if I care to stay alive. Now also the same as with food. Preceding a large delicious meal if someone was to demand I regurgitate, or even vomit the contents of said wonderful meal would you blame me should I resist or disdain!! Please! The requirement of essays only entertains society, and it's necessary evils. Where have the traditional pleasures of having an mentor and mastering you craft gone? The amount of people I meet in roles that have required degrees, who are the equivalent of fencing champions in the art of essay's, but struggle to apply what they know and be remotely efficient in any role, let alone the one they have acquired! I should have been born in Athens, or Italy, England even. But not at this time, not with this system.

Beyonce.

There's not many people I look up to. Not because there aren't a lot of great people, but because it's all relative to comparison. I'm always going to be morally sounder than Hitler, but not o good as Gandhi. Looking up or down in status seems sometimes a wasted effort. However there are those that aren't better than others, but inspire. I like how Beyonce (apart from the outfit)seems to have disregarded the generic 'sexy video' and just outright shows us what she's really got. Unconventional style of dancing too, but undeniable that it has taken a shed load of skill to execute. Awesome.

Sorry about quality only embedded one available.

Ahem...

..Okay so since I last talked to myself on the WWW in the form of a blog Barrack Obama was voted president of US. Enjoyed a murder mystery party at Halloween, turned out I was the murderer, awesome!!

James and I did a shoot with BMTH. I got to smear the showers with blood to try and replicate a scene from Saw. See-saw. Also smear a bit of blood on the boys(older than me yet still more vulnerable), and tie them up. They are also featured on Jims site where I do all the wordy bits.


Haven't seen my Nephew for a while (few months), but apparently he's taken a liking to saying 'hey gorgeous' to everyone, and has befriended a girl called Sienna at Nursery. Shall I warn him now, or let him learn from his own mistake?



Some preaching...

Kids at school made fun of me for being able to milk a cow. Pretty funny, as it is only recently that I have been becoming more aware of the cultural difference between myself and the city kids. I feel saddened sometimes, as many would have benefited from the privilege of fresh air, healthy food, strangers always saying hello to one another, and basically a belief that life in it's most basic of form still has it's benefits. Unfortunately all many have come to know are the Selfridges window arrangements. Eg this year it is themed 'More is More', as opposed to the obvious 'less is more'. Consume, consume, consume I hear them cry. "How fabulous to drape ourselves in the misfortune of others". Really people everything in moderation. I know this month I treated myself to some £200 Firetrap boots (paid £80) and a Vivienne Westwood tank top £100 (£10 Cancer Research), regardless there must be a limit?


Even though I said I would put some positive stuff on here I hope by making people aware that is a form of positivity, so on that note if you like to know about conspiracies (real ones), then you'll love this...WARNING, educational value, may be unsuitable for the American featured on it!

What?

I have just scanned my blog, andit's been looking a bit bleak recently! I will spice it up with pictures of me bumming around with famous folk soon...

Quote

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."
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Henri Nouwen, Out of Solitude

Orphans in literature

I looked up 'orphan' on wiki. I kinda liked what I found!


Orphaned characters are extremely common as literary protagonists, especially in children's and fantasy literature.[3] The lack of parents leaves the characters to pursue more interesting and adventurous lives, by freeing them from familial obligations and controls, and depriving them of more prosaic lives. It creates characters that are self-contained and introspective and who strive for affection. Orphans can metaphorically search for self-understanding through attempting to know their roots. Parents can also be allies and sources of aid for children, and removing the parents makes the character's difficulties more severe. Parents, furthermore, can be irrelevant to the theme a writer is trying to develop, and orphaning the character frees the writer from the necessity to depict such an irrelevant relationship[citation needed]; if one parent-child relationship is important, removing the other parent prevents complicating the necessary relationship. All these characteristics make orphans attractive characters for authors.

Orphans are common in fairy tales, such as some variants of Cinderella.

Many superheroes, including Superman, Batman, Robin, Spider-Man, Wolverine, Iron Man, Storm and Daredevil, are orphans.

A number of well known authors have written books featuring orphans including Charlotte Brontë, Charles Dickens, Mark Twain, A. J. Cronin, Roald Dahl and J.K. Rowling, as well as some less well known authors of famous orphans like Little Orphan Annie and the Baudelaire siblings of the Series of Unfortunate Events. One recurring storyline has been the relationship that the orphan can have with an adult from outside his or her immediate family. Some of the most emotive works have been those featuring the relationship between a man and a boy, particularly boys that are coming of age.

Koh-i-nor

A brief history for those who do not know of it;

The Koh-i-nor is a diamond that has been passed around quite a bit. What with it presented as a gift/stolen/a spoil of war etc. It has been acquired in numerous ways. So much so that the Koh-i-nor it in itself has acquired many stories. The most present story is that of Maharajah Ranjit Singh. He himself deserves a posting of his own!! Following his death and the succession of Britain making Queen Elizabeth (the queen mum) Empress of india, it was 'given' as a gift to her from Ranjit Singhs son Duleep...I'm not a know it all. Presently I am reading 'The Maharajahs Box'.


The Koh-i-nor to those who are unaware of it's history, captivates with all of its superficial splendour, however has had quite an eventful past. I once read somewhere that 'it takes a sharp chisel to make a great sculpture'.After all the Koh-i-nor went through, and all sentimentality/unfavourable circumstance that it has been associated with . It seems to only ever become more defined, more sought after, and always without a true home. Still with its complicated composition and fractured perspectives it still remains to this day convincingly clear, and very, very strong!

Hydra.

Biological Immortality.

Okay so I came across this little critter. Obviously I didn't discover the specimen! Basically this creature is 'Biologically immortal'. Biological immortality differs from the common conception of immortality. However is non the less still very impressive, almost unbelievable. Immortality tends to conjure images of the fit cheerleader from Heroes, or Beowulf. Biological immortality means that given the perfect condition it will essentially live forever. We have no perfect condition on earth. Oxygen simultaneously gives us life, while slowly killing us. Beautifully morbid! The Hydra, if left without decease or predator will continue to thrive. It abstains from the 'socially vulgar' process of ageing, and lives forever youthful. As I read '...if pushed through gauze the Hydra will simply gather itself, and return to its original form. If a limb is lost it will shrink to accommodate for that loss'. So even if a few unfavourable events occur for the little fellow Hydra STILL survive. The fountain of youth in an octopuses cousin...Who would have thunk it?

Belonging.

Nothing belongs to me. Nothing material, nothing physical, nothing emaginable, not another human being,not even my own body. Anything I could ever concieve at the very most is my own interepretation of others combined thoughts and ideas. There is nothing basically original,only percieved orginality through complexity. Whether intellectually intentional, or non-intellectual non-intentional genius. Therefore one cannot be disconcerted if another individual finds some other individual to be much more compatable. Everything is perishable. Then most things have potential too. Excuse me while I think out loud. I would like to belong. If I have ever felt a close sensation to belonging,it was never more than with James. He is a home. If home is where we all reside, where do we holiday? What is more important, one week with the sand in your hair, or a lifetime knowing your flaws are more than tolerable? :)

Child?

It's strange to think I was ever any ones daughter. That at some point someone was responsible for me. Imagining a time when I could just disregard everything,and know it fell wholly on the shoulders of another. It is almost unimaginable now. How strange.Though not too strange for me, as I tend to just think that's how it is for everyone. It's not though is it. I mean for the most part as I say, I forget. Though at times when I'm tired, or the rents overdue,there's no final reassurance that someone will be there to help. Situations like that. Hence me trying not to risk everything for an education, but I am attempting to strike a balance this year, which would be nice. To have the luxury of studying, without having to think about rent, or commute fares, food shopping,bills.All the things one isn't supposed to worry about during A levels! Hence me doing the diploma now....unfinished.

11th yr Anniversary

My MOther>

Today I WiLl GiVe my everything. TomorRow will take my all.

YesterDaY I could have given AnyThing just to see you for a while.

I've taken the things you GaVe me. Invested it in the StaRs. Kept a little in my pocket, for the joUrNeys i go too FaR.

No matter if i daWdle, Run, or WalK my road. Even If i TuRn around. Go back the Way I came.

I know i would have soMetHinG to show, and thats because of YoU.

It's Because of the things YoU gave, the things that made me LoVe YoU.

LoVe, ReSpecT, TruTh, CarE, and HouNoR.

After all, i will AlWayS be the DauGhter of my simply bEauTiful, aMazIng MoThER.

Quick

Just a quick note for all the avid readers of my blog! (^_^) It doesn't matter that no one reads it. It'll be a nice momento for people when I eventually get hit by a car (Not a pesimist just exceptionally bad at crossing the road!). Everything is cool at the moment. Doing temping work. No,not because I can't get a perminant job! The reason is I quite like trying to be the Marry Poppins of the office world. Meeting new people, trying new skills, paid weekly, regular change of enviroment. Suits me! Although admitedly a little scary when one is in limbo, such as now. Fear not! I am resourceful, and have a good couple of agencies. Therefore this brief interlude is merely a spontanious holiday! Hurray. What better way to spend it than at Download festival (VIP guesty, thanks to Jimmie, and Hammer!)I'm seeing KISS BABY!!! (^_^) Followed by the Metal Hammer awards Monday. It's so cool I'm even jealous of myself!! However before I go galavanting off there is Jimmies Birthday to tend to, and a rather understated (code for cool) little catwalk show. My dress is great too, which is nice, because I don't really have a choice! :) Think tea party meets cocktail. Sayonara!!

Free Tibet.

No shame on China!

When working for the olympic torch relay Sunday I was saddened to find that the pro-Tibet protestors were so aggressive. It was a sad sight. Everyone concerned found the situation unreasonable. The Chinese individuals were hurt by the statements made by none Tibetan/Buddhist protestors. “Shame on China” and such comments were unreasonable. We must remember that many of our neighbours are Chinese, or of Chinese heritage, and they themselves may also have sympathy with Tibet. Remembering also who colonised Hong Kong. ” Free Tibet” however, was obviously a very just statement. Although it is a worthy cause to fight for, people must understand their aims. If liberation is the aspiration of the English pro-Tibet protestors, they must realise they are representing Buddhism, a shared faith by the Tibetan, and Chinese. The Tibetan people I am sure would rather gain their freedom, in the most honourable way possible. Not with spiteful arguments. In addition to that, if one takes the time to ‘you tube’ interviews with the Dali lama, you will soon find, he as much as anyone just wants the freedom to be Tibetan, but not necessarily have a separate country. It seems the most effective way to demonstrate is to show pride in being Tibetan, or on the behalf of Tibet. Rather than unravel the respect that, that culture has so tenuously gained through its disciplined approaches. People may feel I am not passionate enough about Tibet’s campaign, this is not true, but I do feel we should continue as we mean to go on. Being grateful for our enemies, as they are the only people to teach us patience, and be reassured in the fact that no matter what, all beliefs have homes in the faithful.‘The elephant crossing a river is neither swimming on the surface, nor being swept downstream. The elephant crosses the middle of the river in a straight line, with feet on the ground, unmoved by the current. It calmly completes its crossing. This image symbolises the might and majesty of the middle way’. If we are to fight others battles, we should do it honourably, the way they would want us to. Most of the people were not so much hateful, as misinformed, or misunderstood. I support Tibet of course, after all I am Welsh, but just remember why you are perhaps resentful about the Chinese government, and make sure those characteristics are not displayed in yourself whilst protesting.
If it comforts anyone, I happened to get a bunch of tickets, so protestors could get in. However I can only hope they behaved responsibly, and fully utilised the oppourtunity.




I was wearing a blue jacket like above, so it wasn't the most sociable outfit. Though I don't feel at all guilty for wearing it, having also waved the tibetan flag. it's ludicrous. None of us can really claim to understand what is truely going on.

Hakuna matata.

Everything you have ever done,has led up until this moment. Whether you're putting the microwave on for a minute and a half, zipping your jacket, getting ready to put the bins out. This is everything your life has mounted up to, thus far. Possibly a bit dramatic. Though it is true.If you are not happy with that. That's okay, because most of us will be fortunate enough to have a moment that with proceed it, in order to make ourselves happy with our present state. Every individual is exceptional. Perhaps not to each other. There are many people I can think of that are not entirely necessary for the world to carry on quite happily regardless. Never the less each individual is exceptional. Fact. From the moment the primordial soup led to produce oxygen, the pattern was started, that allowed evolution to come up with a primate, that consequently became a human. For every creature that hit a female over the head, and procreated. You became fractionally closer to existing, and here you are. your brain is probably sub vocalising these words. Quickly inputting this data, and syntax. Almost immediately making correlation from one word to the next. Amazing. You are amazing.

Birthday.

My Birthday. I turned 21. I laughed I cried, I laughed again. It was eventful to say the least. Jim, and I went to see some stand-up in SoHo. He baked me a cake, and bought me a Zen Creative player So I can watch films on the tube, and when I travel for work. Its no bigger than the palm of my hand. It also plays music, radio, and shows photographs too. Quite cool!. We also wentto the crobar, in Soho, where we first met.

Bungalow 8.

Confession.



First of all a confession. I watched sex, and the city last night on Surfthechannel. Now thats out of the way, I can now speak about the story line. Basically she goes on, and on about going to Bungalow 8, in NY. So us Island dwellers, will be only too aware that they brought it to England, on St Martins Lane. Apparantly so exclusive you have to fill in an application form just to access the website! Anyway, being of reasonably sound mind,I acknowledge that a venue will never define if a person is cool or not. We have all seen pictures of the tragic Jodie Marsh, outside Embassy. Say no more. However I must say that I was flattered when I realised, after my friend invited me to the Bungalow 8 opening, that Niomi Campbell hadn't been. Imagine I'm sat on the tube, having been invited to 'some club', and reading the paper notice an article stating, 'guest list inculdes Kate Moss...however Niomi Campbell has been left off the list'. Regardless I was on holiday in Barcelona that weekend, so never went.Though, aparantly thats even cooler than having gone.

dads birthday.

Why do people have bad childhoods? Why are people so concerned with the moment? Is life as a whole not just an elongated era. Actually I am wrong, era simply means ‘significant piece of time’. Therefore, an era is precisely what life is! Why must one fragment it into such pessimistic terms? When one studies art, one quickly learns that to mix all colours together, one will always get a muddy near black shade. So it is subjective to what is better really. Acknowledging subtle differences in shade, or realising that all together, it’s all pretty much the same. What I mean by this is both one can scrutinize, and occupy ones time with the details, or just throw caution to the wind, and throw every shade into one another, without too much concern, we are all very aware of the eventual outcome. Simplicity or complexity? Colourful or neutral? I can presume you know what I am getting at.

Regardless, today is my fathers’ birthday. He would be 50 I think. It’s of no consequence really. I shouldn’t worry about something that would be a passing affair if he was still here. It’s just respectful to acknowledge. We would be sharing a milestone this year. With him becoming half a century old, and I twenty one. I did write an entry in my diary last year, and I can’t find the energy in me to surpass it’s wording this year. So I shall just put that below. The final thing I do wish to say is that I have no time for people with obesity, or eating problems. Cold I know. However why would someone who is fortunate enough to have two hands, two feet, both eyes, and hearing, let themselves disrespect the privilege of being alive. We have so much time to spend when we are old, in front of the television, or just plain pottering about. Though don’t for a second think that some older people don’t dream of just being able to walk up one more small mountain, walk up the escalators on the underground, arm wrestle with the confidence that they'll surely win, climb a ladder to fix the roof slates, or open a fucking jar. Because believe me you will reach a time when you’re fortunate to be able to even do that. Time will conveniently take away your capabilities, so for crying out loud don’t do it to yourself. Imagine, your body is supposed to last you 80 years. That’s an awfully long time. It’s also an awfully unobtainable age if you spend the beginning duration eating shit food, succumbing to addictions, and depriving, or gluttonising your body. So yes anyway, that’s why I have not patience for those two conditions.

……………………………………………………………………………………………..


Happy Birthday Dad.

“For the life you gave me. The lives I would die for. My sisters, my brother, my nephew, my reasons. The Tramp stories. Keeping away the boys. Holding me.Warming the cream between your hands, before soothing my scars. Never holding me back (too much). Fixing my bike. Working so hard. Smelling of dust, and tar. Play fighting. Confiding in me. Drying my hair. Trying to brush it! Taking me out of school to drink cappuccinos. I would eat the foam, and you would drink the coffee. Then we would travel back, and I would look out of the windows. When I came to work with you, we’d have to get up early, and you had no idea what girls should look like! Talking in your sleep. Letting my friends sleep over. Buying me sweets. Letting us camp in the garden, and build dens in the house. I love you so much. Thank you. ”

Drosophila melanogaster.

Drosophila melanogaster is simply put- a fruit fly. I have been reading a book called 'Time, Love, Memory; A great biologist, and his quest for the origins of behaviour' by Jonathan weiner.

I cannot recommend a book more! Usually one for books that transport me to a romanticised Asia, such as 'Memoirs of a geisha'. This was more than a refreshing change! It was as though this book reached out from the pages, and used both hands to save my Phoenix of science from the ashes!

Why do I know that bacteria have approximately 7000 genes, fruit fly 15000, and humans 70,000? Why do I know that the drosophila can learn better without its head? That neurons are much more complicated than transistors. It has inspired me to research even! So from now on I will no longer brag as to having inherited 'good genes', but more aptly, good 'alleles'!

That the period gene controls their sense of time, and how relevant this is to us. We have without doubt got some sort of period gene ourselves. How interesting this is, now influenced, with regards to unnatural light, and demand of consciousness.

However aside from this I know that Seymour Benzer et al discovered the period gene. He also had a wife called Dotty, who died of cancer. Unfortunate. Though he then met Carol Miller. She was, and still is a neuropathologist. Together they carried out an experiment that quietly and beautifully influenced the way all scientists considered the molecular structure of drosophila/fruit fly. They were "little humans with wings". Also "Seymour’s antibodies stained just a small and specific portion of the retina in the human eye, and the equivalent portion of the retina in the eye of the fly ". So understandably, at the very least, this kind of discovery significantly aided the studies of diseases such as Huntington’s, and Parkinson’s, etc. Neurological studies were revolutionised.


Having searched links for this book, I have also realised he died December 12th, 2007. It is quite sad. As I can think of no one I would have rather met. Perhaps I could have done? Who knew? Fortunately his wife is still alive, though not getting any recognition in the article linked above.

The book also talks of Francis Galton, to whom the term "nature versus nurture" actually belonged. The way his concept of eugenics, and talk of a utopia, with 'fitter, and smarter' humans, influenced the construction, and processes of auswitch. An unfortunate consequence of Galtons research. Though amazing what one man and intrigue alone can do. For better, or for worse.


If one happens to get ones mind round to reading this, you will trade in your N64, for a go on this amazing game. Okay so perhaps it's not quite a 'game', but I assure you it is all you'll want to do after reading this book!!


Also above is a picture of a 'silhouette of a bird in flight'. Ethologists carried out such a simple experiment, that says so much about how little we mere mortals know. The silhouette from right bottom corner to top left looks like a hawk. From top left to bottom right, a goose. They did this movement with a silhouette in sight of newborn gooslings. The gooslings hid when the shape looked like a hawk going forwards, and came out when the silhouette went backwards. Appearing to be a fellow goose. That is basicall what the entire book attempts to clarify. Brilliant.

Nintendo 64...

007 Goldeneye.


I cannot believe this console is twelve years old! And I'm still thoroughly enjoying playing it! Of course, not so regularly as I was perhaps 6 years ago. I was 10 when this console came out, so my parents didn't let me get one until I was 14. I know though,given the opportunity, I would most defiantly play it daily! These days it's hard to get people in one place to give it the kind of appreciation it once received in my bedroom. Half a dozen kids sat round waiting for their turn. When N64 came out, correct me if I'm wrong, but did one,not shoot ones load in sublime euphoria. FOUR players! Because of course back in the day, we didn't have any of this four pad xbox, and playstation fiasco. Two pads was your limit, and by God were we more than satisfied with that.

In particularly I like 007 Goldeneye. On the second level one is able to commandeer a tank. A TANK! After packing away my RC-P90 I climb aboard my sturdy tank, and squish the effin' life out of all those inferior civilians. You know, the ones we're supposed to be protecting? Amazing!(when squished they gave a most convincing scream too! I've attached a video, you can skip to the squishing if you like. You know you want to.) Also was it just me, or did you religiously start a level that included Natalya Simonova by shooting her in the head, and then just restarting the level again. Such a liability.

With regards to the console appreciation, I cannot be more impressed than by these guys! Click here to see the kind of dedication I mean.

Along with my N64, SNES, Sega mega drive. I also inherited an Atari, that simply played pong.Even at the age of ten knew the significance of that little number. However much to my dismay, upon returning home one afternoon after school, my mother kindly presented me with a computer console that I can only imagine to be an early Nintendo. Obviously I was pleased. Though not so much when I enquired as to the whereabouts of my old console. "oh we've thrown it in the bin because it was dated". It was a sad day, and it gets ever sadder in retrospect! Although I can probably credit my enthusiasm for collecting these old consoles, due to experiencing such a loss at an early age! All things for a reason.

Anyway, as this one of my less intellectually stimulating posts, I feel I should end exactly how I began.

Nintendo, and computer consoles everywhere WE SALUTE YOU!

World wildlife federation.

I had a briefing yesterday at work. For the office temp job I am doing. The briefing was for The World Wildlife Federation. A representative of the charity came to speak specifically about the 'heart of Borneo' project . Stuart Chapman. It was very interesting. I have previously worked on campaigns for the BHF, and Barnados. Both excellent causes in themselves. However as a fan more so of our earth, than the humans who inhibit it. I was very much inspired by the cause. Not particularly Borneo, but the World wildlife federation as a whole. Unbeknown to me they don't just try to maintain the numbers of animals, but they also do a considerable amount to support the environments in which the animals, and humans live too. In Borneo particularly they are three new species a month.
Borneo rhinoceros
Clouded leopard

Art films...

Underware.

Okay so I like to be predictable and look at fashion videos on youtube. That's expected though. However what I do find, can be somewhat unexpected. People who wear underwear will probably be aware of a range called'agent provocateur'

However what you may not be aware of, are the short videos for it. Of course up until this year Kate Moss
was the face of the product. Leaving behind an unusual legacy for the campaign. I can appreciate the effort, but as a viewer, am I the only one who feels this is like Paris HIltons, badger esque sex tape, without the sex?

Clearly...

False truth's


Already this blog displays the sparkle of a million flawless diamonds, as a consequence of all the words I have so eloquently sugar coated. In sincere hope that you may devour them, like a bag full of traditional pear drops! The juicy kind, that you resented to share with your friends, but could never quite finish by yourself.
Though it is not. Is it? I mean this is indeed a true depiction of my life. However so translucent at times there is basically nothing to see. Although this is only my third post, and I have not even emerged at an official beginning. We are our biggest critics. Who said that?
Anyway, I was delighted to find that I was born the same year Guy Bourdin shot the Chanel advertising campaign. 1987. 7 days after my 4Th birthday he died in Paris aged 62. What an amazing photographer. http://www.guybourdin.org/

02:40am. I'm off to bed. Oyasumi nasi!!

Four months earlier...

A prelude, to the post below it!

Whilst staying at my sisters. Back from my maiden voyage. Having sailed from Germany to Denmark, and back, with the Army. At the cost of my finances, and fixed abode!

"The wonderful fairness abut life is that everyone is issued with one. Unfortunately some are shorter than others. Still. A whole one all the same. Everyone dies, including the stars. People are living longer than ever. Medicine is good. We do not yet have the cure for cancer, but it is possible in some cases. No cure for aids, but there are women immune to it. In them is the preventative. No one in Britian has to experience pain during surgery. Men, and Women are communicating more (for better, or worse!). Children are no longer given physical discipline (at least not legally). So we are more civilised than our predecessors. It’s interesting how society may consider us in retrospect. Only fifty years ago, the time of our grandfathers, did homosexuals get imprisoned for their acts, or at best put it mental asylums. As homosexuality was considered an illness. As I say, apart from the obvious, I do wonder where we are unknowingly going horribly wrong.


It is the following day, and I again sit on my sisters’ living room floor. Clacking at the entirely matt black, wartime issue typewriter. Having just attempted to call my partner with my SPVpc, personal digital assistant. Touch screen, and stylus. An impressive gadget at the time of writing, though serving little purpose with an unpaid phone bill! So my desperate, self patronising mind can’t even find solace in the words of my beau. I am wearing my sisters McKenzie, dark blue hoody. A pair of black tailored corduroyed trousers, which I believe go very well, with my riding boot esque boots. Hair in pigtails, as I feel it should be done whilst still endearing on me. It is 3:00pm. Being the winter season it’s already dark outside. When I leave the house, I will walk to my destination. The route is more than familiar, yet I will still feel completely lost along the way. This time of year the trees always look like they wish to uproot themselves, and follow me someplace warm. The grass is trying to retreat into the soil, and all the animals have either become estranged or seasonal hermits. Either way there’s none of them to observe. The world seems to shrink. Winter has various effects on my attitude. I am a little easier contented. Warm blankets, hot chocolate, and an old film is the extent of my desires. Perhaps a few long mornings in with the bow. Otherwise all aspirations subside. I appreciate this generally, as it stops me over doing things. However when one becomes financially challenged at this time of year, the prospect of traipsing around the city in the wind, snow, and rain is far from inspiring. Then after doing it once, or twice to no avail, the motivation depletes by at least another 50%. Add that to lack of response from at least forty emails you sent out in one day, and there is ones perfect concoction for a considerably low self esteemed individual. Ho hum. There’s still my youth, my looks, and the uncertified intelligence.

It's all just a walk on the beach really, isn't it? Beautiful no matter how short, and simple it is. One will leave varying depths of footprints, for random numbers of others to see. To then be secure in knowledge that no matter how significant our imprints, eventually it will all be forgotten. Everything is temporary. If you're having the time of your life. The situation will change. The worst time of your life. The situation WILL change. It is reassuring. So that is where I reside my thoughts to, in unfavourable times such as these."

Model me?

Live like nobody's watching.

So I am acknowledging the fact that I've been slack on the blogger front. If it reassures anyone who is genuinely concerned with my WWW faux pas. Please excuse me! It may comfort you somewhat to know I have been doing my bit on the face book scene. However back to the blogging business. Indeed I have finally made it to the smoke. My boyfriend has been living here two years already. He made it all the way from Australia. Myself, I have spent the past two years meaning to do so, a mere 2.5hrs away in Shropshire. It only costs £10 one way! (Virgin rail online). So the excuses for this are nil. There is no reason why I shouldn't have been here sooner! Having spent at least two days a month in London for the past couple of years. Before I met my partner, wishing I could move here permanently. It just took a while to find my balls as it were. Indeed I've shaken the straw from my hair, donned my enviable jacket, and strolled on into this fine town. So far having been officially living here 3 months, I am very happy. I am 20. So I feel in retrospect, that this is actually the most appropriate time to have arrived here. 18 was just under prepared, for both London, and I. Numerous things have happened, that will interest some. Bore the crap out of others. Depends.

While a friend pointed out Paul O’Grady (Lilly Savage) walking his dogs, she cried with delight, 'oh look it's him!!!’ I will never understand this? I saw Alan titchmarsh? Scottish girl from ugly betty/extras? Russell brand? urmmm....It's London? What the hell do people think? A-Z listers are hermits??
Anyway, it is funny to see some people I suppose. Though there's no need to go overboard!? I did a peculiar job last week or so. I basically had to sit, while a make-up (MU) artist pretended to do my make up. While Martine Mccutchion interviewed the mother of Gwen steffanis step daughter. I forget her name. Anyway, the show is called 'The truth about beauty'. Before I arrived, I naively assumed that it may be about the science behind beauty. Symmetry, social acceptance, the emotional implications, and mental perceptions behind it. However I quickly realised it was not! I was to merely look pretty. While they told other girls how to wear their belts higher, and that fat girls shouldn't wear stilettos, and skinnies shouldn't wear a wedge. Snooze! I'm not having a dig at Martine, though the show was a little shallow. As they are. I am content in London actually. I don't mean to be fundamentally British, and whinge or anything. Though I say contented, with a slight air of a most questionable disappointment. I have read George Orwell’s 'down and out, in Paris and London'. Of course I'm not entirely homeless. I did rely initially on my boyfriend, and his housemates. Though now it appears, I am fully on my feet. For the most part of my life I have had an affinity with cats. Mostly due to the obvious fact that no matter what the situation, they always seem to land on their feet. I have had a considerably eventful past. However always landing surreptitiously on my feet. Again like my feline friends. Looking somewhat bedraggled, and feeble at times I'll admit. Though with all four paws resting just the same! Though here I am with a glossy mane, graciously treading with cautious arrogance, about the fine relatively easy situation I find myself. Lovely, but making for quite the beige little piece of reading? What of the fabulous struggles? My rock, and roll style scrapping, up the slide of failure? It's all here. The office temp job. My diary jotted with modelling jobs, and a subject to study in September waiting in the wings. May I consider that I am speaking too soon? Or might I honestly believe that for once, that I have not spoken quite so soon enough!