Four months earlier...

A prelude, to the post below it!

Whilst staying at my sisters. Back from my maiden voyage. Having sailed from Germany to Denmark, and back, with the Army. At the cost of my finances, and fixed abode!

"The wonderful fairness abut life is that everyone is issued with one. Unfortunately some are shorter than others. Still. A whole one all the same. Everyone dies, including the stars. People are living longer than ever. Medicine is good. We do not yet have the cure for cancer, but it is possible in some cases. No cure for aids, but there are women immune to it. In them is the preventative. No one in Britian has to experience pain during surgery. Men, and Women are communicating more (for better, or worse!). Children are no longer given physical discipline (at least not legally). So we are more civilised than our predecessors. It’s interesting how society may consider us in retrospect. Only fifty years ago, the time of our grandfathers, did homosexuals get imprisoned for their acts, or at best put it mental asylums. As homosexuality was considered an illness. As I say, apart from the obvious, I do wonder where we are unknowingly going horribly wrong.


It is the following day, and I again sit on my sisters’ living room floor. Clacking at the entirely matt black, wartime issue typewriter. Having just attempted to call my partner with my SPVpc, personal digital assistant. Touch screen, and stylus. An impressive gadget at the time of writing, though serving little purpose with an unpaid phone bill! So my desperate, self patronising mind can’t even find solace in the words of my beau. I am wearing my sisters McKenzie, dark blue hoody. A pair of black tailored corduroyed trousers, which I believe go very well, with my riding boot esque boots. Hair in pigtails, as I feel it should be done whilst still endearing on me. It is 3:00pm. Being the winter season it’s already dark outside. When I leave the house, I will walk to my destination. The route is more than familiar, yet I will still feel completely lost along the way. This time of year the trees always look like they wish to uproot themselves, and follow me someplace warm. The grass is trying to retreat into the soil, and all the animals have either become estranged or seasonal hermits. Either way there’s none of them to observe. The world seems to shrink. Winter has various effects on my attitude. I am a little easier contented. Warm blankets, hot chocolate, and an old film is the extent of my desires. Perhaps a few long mornings in with the bow. Otherwise all aspirations subside. I appreciate this generally, as it stops me over doing things. However when one becomes financially challenged at this time of year, the prospect of traipsing around the city in the wind, snow, and rain is far from inspiring. Then after doing it once, or twice to no avail, the motivation depletes by at least another 50%. Add that to lack of response from at least forty emails you sent out in one day, and there is ones perfect concoction for a considerably low self esteemed individual. Ho hum. There’s still my youth, my looks, and the uncertified intelligence.

It's all just a walk on the beach really, isn't it? Beautiful no matter how short, and simple it is. One will leave varying depths of footprints, for random numbers of others to see. To then be secure in knowledge that no matter how significant our imprints, eventually it will all be forgotten. Everything is temporary. If you're having the time of your life. The situation will change. The worst time of your life. The situation WILL change. It is reassuring. So that is where I reside my thoughts to, in unfavourable times such as these."